Le Sigh

I think of my family. Of course I do.

Especially days like today, on Mother's Day . . . when I wish I could pick up the phone, and call my mom just to hear the sound of her voice again.

I try to remember the good moments (and we had *many*) - those happy, carefree days when my siblings and I rode our bikes for hours, roller-bladed, sang together, went on road trips, and cracked each other up.

But there are other moments. Those moments laced with harsh and almost oppressive expectations, too heavy to bear. My health broke. The last year in my father's house, the dawning realization in my heart, the stress and helplessness I felt - it was all like a bad dream. I needed to get away. So get away I did.
 
On days like today, I pull up a few of my favorite links. I read again the writings of strangers, who seem like friends to me, mostly because they've walked this road before me. These "friends" took all my messy emotions, combed the dark corners of my heart, and wove into words what I would have never brought myself to say.

They know me.

They've walked my journey.

And they've learned to move on.

So now you know. Where I've come from, and where I hope to be. :)

PS: Be sure to read all 7 posts in rebuilding after deconstruction - you'll be glad you did.
 
~ Mrs. Arcfide

Some new milestones . . .

over the holidays . . . in no particular order.

• Aaron's MacbookPro died a corrosive death when a flying cable knocked over his cup of water. That happened in the middle of the night, so who knows how long his laptop was immersed?
• He bought, for its replacement, an un-cool looking Lenovo machine.
• To top things off, I got converted to Mac. . . after a long, drawn-out 3 years resistance. What's worse? I'm secretly lovin' it. :)
• I received my EAD, which led me to apply for an SSN so I could get my Learners Permit.

I believe I'm fully absorbed into The System.

But hey, what's the fuss? It's 2009, and Obama's in the White House.

I Can Drive. I Can Do-it! I Can Change! YES, I CAN!!! Rawr.

~ Mrs. Arcfide

Keep thy words soft and sweet

Human nature is ever growing, ever retrogressing... never static. Determined though one may be never to change, separation inevitably takes its toll on even the closest of friends. Divergent experiences and philosophies gained along life's way make each old-time reunion never quite the same.

Still, knowing this... one can't suppress the little sigh of disappointment that escapes at the realization that your friend is not, and will never again be the same as before. Changes are hard to appreciate, even if they have been wrought for improvement's sake.

Outward changes are by far the most conspicuous. Others have lamented the changes they saw in me. Was it just my appearances, manner or beliefs?

Have I learned to be more prudent and discerning? I hope so. More imperious and sophomorical? I pray not.

Keep thy words soft and sweet: someday you might have to eat them.

7 Things I'd proclaimed over the rooftops, and have had to renege:

1. "I'll never get married."
   
2. "I don't wear pants because they're not modest."
3. "When I grow up, I'm going to be a drummer."
4. "Music with a beat is wrong."
5. "I'm not into eye make-up."
6. "I hate bean sprouts."
7. "I can't cook."

~ Mrs. Arcfide